Two years ago I was writing, “I didn’t know Natasha Lyonne and Fred Armisen were dating.” That’s on me because CB reported on it in 2014. And today I write, I didn’t realize that Natasha Lyonne and Fred Armisen broke up. These guys like to keep me on my toes. But they did break up and it’s been a while. I guess Natasha was already spotted with someone else at the Malibu Chili Cook-Off (it still kills me that’s a place to be seen). Natasha and Fred made sense as a couple. They were set up by Maya Rudolph. They’re intellectuals. They’re quirky with a good sense of humor. They enjoy making movies and television but don’t take the business too seriously. Plus, they take risks in their storytelling, which probably has nothing to do with their relationships, it was just another chance for me to say how much I appreciate their shows Russian Doll and Forever. However, in the latest round of press before season two of Russian Doll begins (this Wednesday!), Natasha confirmed that she and Fred had split, that it’s been over for about a year and that apparently the culprit was a swimming pool. According to Natasha, Fred doesn’t like pools and she went out and got one.
Russian Doll star Natasha Lyonne recently confirmed her split with comedian Fred Armisen over their different opinions on swimming pools.
“We love each other just about as much as two people can love each other,” she told The Hollywood Reporter. “But Freddy doesn’t like a swimming pool.”
The Orange Is the New Black star acknowledges that it’s a mundane reason for a breakup, but during the COVID lockdowns, she yearned for a house with a pool that would allow her to get a little exercise. Armisen balked at the idea.
“I’m like Burt Lancaster in The Swimmer,” she said in her THR interview. “So I got myself a house with a pool out in Los Angeles.”
Despite their aquatically driven parting of ways, Lyonne says she and Armisen still talk “all the time.”
“So that’s the real scandal,” she joked.
Normally I would say this is a smokescreen so they didn’t have to tell us what really happened. People don’t break up because one of them bought a house with a pool, especially if it was for exercise. But when I said Fred is quirky, I wasn’t just tossing that out there. And if this was the reason – maybe there was a phobia involved, or an environmental objection – and the pool was more important to Natasha than the relationship, then it was time to end things anyway. The good news is Fred and Natasha seem on good terms if they’re talking all the time. I assume it’s on the phone since clearly Fred’s not popping by for drinks in the hot tub. I also assume they share joint custody of Maya R.
I was trying to think of the flimsiest excuse I ever used to break up with someone. The real reason was generally boredom, but I used some pretty lame excuses. I remember one guy I was seeing in school talked about a “break” but in the “Spring Break” sense. But when he came back, I convinced him I’d thought he meant the other kid of break and suggested a tap tap no back idea to the comment that he hadn’t made. I wish I had thought of this “I don’t like (item in your living room/back yard)” idea.
Photo credit: Avalon Red and Wenn
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